


my heart catches on every thorn

by velcrooooo



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, brian and ivy friendship rights actually, there isnt a whole lot of 2oH but its there, theyre found family your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28519524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velcrooooo/pseuds/velcrooooo
Summary: ----"Am I even the same person when I'm on a different morality setting?""Do you think you are?"Brian stopped, and thought about this for a moment.----
Relationships: Drumbot Brian & Nastya Rasputina, Drumbot Brian/Jonny d'Ville, Ivy Alexandria & Drumbot Brian
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26
Collections: The Mechscord Winter Gift Exchange





	my heart catches on every thorn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [springty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/springty/gifts).



> Hi!! Sorry if this is a tiny bit incoherent, I wrote a lot of it pretty late at night,,,,  
> But I'm pretty proud of this, so I hope you enjoy!!

He didn't know how long he had been in the star until after he had been taken out of it.

All he'd known for what could've been a few hours or a thousand years was heat and agony and reforming and melting  _ over  _ and  _ over  _ again.

Brian wasn't entirely sure how it happened. One moment he was still in the sun, and the next he was back on Aurora.

_ Back on Aurora. _

_ Back home. _

The air around him felt freezing, but the brass his body was made up of was still red hot. He could hear voices speaking urgently around him, but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

Brian tried to move, but his limbs screamed in protest, sending pain shooting up through his body.

  
  
  
  


By the time he was fully aware of his surroundings again, he wasn't surrounded by people. In fact, he could only see Raphaella, who was leaning against the wall in front of him, and Jonny, who was sitting a safe distance next to him.

"Hey." Brian croaked, slowly bending one of his legs experimentally.

Raphaella looked up, and beamed. "Brian!" She hesitantly took a step forward, and held up one of her hands awkwardly. "How do you feel?"

"I've been a lot better." He tried to laugh, flexing his hand carefully and shifting into a more comfortable sitting position.

"I don't think anyone should be touching you yet. Brass melts at 930 degrees Celsius, and you've only just cooled down enough to reform properly." Raphaella informed him, crossing her arms and shuffling backwards a few steps.

"Fascinating." Brian sighed, raising his eyebrows at her. He took a few deep breaths, and glanced around the room again. The walls around where he was propped up were burnt and blackened, but not too badly so. After another moment, he recognized it as Raphaella's lab.

"Wow." He blinked. "Um- Sorry, how long was I in there for?" 

Raphaella glanced down at her feet guiltily. "It's uh- It's been a while." She said evasively, smiling at Brian nervously.

_ That… Doesn't sound fantastic.  _ Brian frowned, looking over at Jonny.

He hadn't said anything yet. He was fiddling with his gun in his lap, and pointedly not looking at Brian.

It really clicked in Brian's head now just how long he'd been away from the crew. He hadn't seen much of them on the station at all, and Raphaella was right about one thing. He'd been in that star for a  _ very  _ long time.

"Jonny?" Brian spoke after a few seconds. Jonny froze, looking up and meeting Brian's eyes.

"I'd say maybe a century. Give or take." He sighed.

Brian blinked. "A…  _ What?!"  _ He put his face in his hands, and groaned.  _ You have got to be kidding me. _

Jonny rested a hand on Brian's shoulder for a moment, before quickly pulling it away and swearing.

"I  _ just  _ said no one should be touching him." Raphaella frowned at Jonny.

"I… Don't know what you expected would happen." Brian looked up and smiled at Jonny. 

"I'll shoot you." Jonny threatened, though he didn't reach for his gun.

"Right." Brian's smile widened. 

"Do you want me to tell the rest of the crew you're awake?" Raphaella asked, fluttering her wings. 

Brian hesitated. "Er- Yeah, go ahead." He nodded. 

He watched her hurry out of the lab. Jonny remained silent, but Brian could see his hands were shaking.

"Are you ok?" He asked Jonny, reaching out to touch him but stopping almost immediately. 

"M' sorry it took us so long." He responded quietly. "To get you out of there, I mean."

Brian relaxed a little bit. "Jonny.."

"We thought we knew what we were doing, but we really didn't, and-"

"Jonny _. _ "

"We should've gotten you out before the station fell. It would've been quicker, and you wouldn't have had to-"

" _ Jonny _ . Stop. It's alright." Brian said gently, carefully scooting a little closer to him. He felt a pang of loss at the reminder of the fate of the station, but he didn't say anything else.

They both fell silent. Jonny took a deep shaky breath and nodded, offering Brian a tight smile.

"Just- I'm sorry." He mumbled.

Brian reached a hand out. "Is the metal still too hot for me to give you a hug?" He asked quietly.

Instead of responding, Jonny wrapped his arms around Brian, leaning against his chest. "No."

Brian shook his head, and rested his arms around Jonny. "You're going to burn yourself."

"Too bad." Jonny sighed, and didn't move.

Brian smiled. "Alright then." He closed his eyes, tilting his head back. "Did I miss much?"

"Not really." Jonny shrugged. "Nothing too exciting, at least. Between trying to figure out a way to get you out of the sun and whatever weird fucked up stuff Raphaella was doing with the octokittens, not a whole lot happened."

"Mm. Figures." Brian sighed. 

"Do you want to go see the rest of the crew?" Jonny asked, absent-mindedly tapping Brian's arm.

"In a moment, yes. I…" He sighed. "I missed you all a lot."

Jonny hummed. "Missed you too." He said quietly.

Brian smiled.

***

Jonny led Brian through the halls of Aurora.

It didn't seem like much had changed since he'd last been on board, which was somewhat comforting. 

He sighed, wrapping his arms around himself and slumping his shoulders. He had been spending most of the short time he'd been back trying not to think about the station, and the people he had failed to save.

_ So many people  _ had died, and it was his fault. If he had been able to warn more people, if he had maybe been on EjM….

"Are you alright?" Jonny asked, turning around to look at Brian.

"Do you care?" Brian frowned.

"I do!" Jonny said indignantly.

He didn't say anything for a few moments. "Do you think if I'd been on EjM I could've done more to save them? All those people?"

"Probably? Does it… matter?" Jonny shrugged. "You did what you could."

_ Yes! It does matter!  _ Brian wanted to yell at him, but he didn't. He just squeezed his arms tighter and looked down at the floor.

"Makes for a damn good story." Jonny commented. "You'll have to tell us what happened after things have calmed down a bit." 

"Yeah, yeah." He sighed. 

  
  
  
  


Almost as soon as he and Jonny had walked into the commons, Nastya scrambled up from where she was sitting and ran towards Brian, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Oof- Hello to you as well." Brian laughed, wrapping his arms around her.

"I missed you." Nastya pulled away from him, and grinned. 

"I missed you too." He smiled softly. He considered Nastya one of his best friends, and as miserable as he felt, he was  _ so  _ happy to see her again.

Sitting on the couch not far from Brian, Ivy and Tim were watching. Raphaella was leaning against the arm of the couch. 

"Brian! Hi!" Ivy beamed, closing the book she had in her lap. "How are you feeling?"

"Not terrible." He nodded, trying to smile. 

"Not terrible is pretty good, considering you just came out of a star." Tim grinned, nodding at Brian. 

Brian sighed, and shook his head. "Thank you, Tim." 

"Always glad to help." He scooted over a little bit, and patted the spot on the couch next to him. "Come sit with us?"

He hesitated briefly, but nodded, sitting down next to Tim and relaxing a little bit. Jonny followed him immediately, sitting down next to Brian silently and resting his head on his shoulder.

"Should I get the other three in here?" Nastya asked. "We could put on a movie or something if you'd like."

"I think that could be nice." Ivy turned around to face Nastya. "What do you think, Brian?"

He blinked, surprised. "Er- Yeah, sure. I don't mind." He nodded, reaching over and taking Jonny's hand in his own.

Within the next ten minutes, the rest of the crew had joined them on the couch, all crammed together. 

They were all silent, for the most part, but everyone was packed close together, and it reminded Brian that he was  _ home.  _ He was home, and he was safe.

_ Home and safe. _

***

Brian spent the next few days adjusting to being back on the ship. 

He spent a lot of time in his room, hiding from the rest of the crew, though he would never admit that.

He knew that they would just bug him for the story of what happened on the station, and he didn't think he was ready for that. Not yet, at least. 

Not while he was still kept up at night with guilt.

  
  
  


It was very late, and most of the ship was asleep. Brian was walking through the dark, silent halls aimlessly.

He stopped outside of the library, and peeked inside. He wasn't entirely sure Ivy was awake, but the lights inside were on, so it was a safe assumption for him to make.

"Ivy?" He pushed the door open a little further, and knocked a couple of times. "Are you awake?"

There was silence for a few moments. "Brian? Is that you?" He heard Ivy call from inside.

"Er- Yes. It is." He paused. "Is it alright if I come in?"

"Yes, that would be fine."

He exhaled softly, and stepped inside.

Ivy was sitting cross-legged and leaning against one of the many bookshelves that took up the library. She had two books laying open in her lap, and she was surrounded by stacks of other books.

"Good evening, Brian." Ivy looked up, and smiled at him. "Can't sleep?"

"No." He admitted, sighing.

She shifted a few books to the side, and nodded to him. "Come sit."

He sat down and sighed, crossing his legs and resting his hands on his knees. He watched Ivy - who was flipping through one of the books in her lap - for a few moments before she spoke.

"What's wrong, Brian?" She asked, not looking up.

Brian didn't speak for a few seconds. "Do you think if I'd been on EjM I could've saved all those people?" He asked her.

Ivy hummed thoughtfully. "I think so. Is that what's bothering you?" She looked over towards him.

Brian didn't respond.

She took a deep breath. "It's not exactly your fault, you know." She told him gently.

He closed his eyes, and shook his head slowly. "How can you be sure? If I-"

"Brian. It wasn't your fault. You weren't on EjM during all that, yes, but it wasn't  _ your fault. _ " Ivy told him sternly, closing her book and setting it down next to her. 

"But- All of those  _ people. _ " Brian inhaled shakily. "They're all dead. All because of me." His voice broke.

"Then, if you had any choice in the matter, why don't you flip your switch right now?" She crossed her arms, and turned to the side to face him.

"I- I can't." He said quietly. "I mean, I guess I could, but I don't want to." 

"And that's perfectly okay. It's your own morality." She shrugged. "No one else should be deciding that for you."

Brian opened his mouth to say something else, but stopped. He shook his head and put his face in his hands, exhaling slowly.

"Am I even the same person when I'm on a different morality setting?"

"Do  _ you _ think you are?" 

Brian stopped, and thought about this for a moment. "I… Guess I do." He sighed. "But some of the crew… I don't know. Makes me feel otherwise."

"How so?" Ivy stretched out one of her legs.

"I mean, you've seen it happen. If Jonny or Tim or whoever is going out to commit violence and I'm on MjE, they  _ always  _ have to flip my switch." Brian huffed in frustration. "Maybe I'd like someone to  _ ask  _ me whether or not I want my switch being messed with."

Ivy was quiet for a few moments. "Have you ever told Jonny that?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I guess not." He shook his head, and slumped his shoulders. "I mean- I know I should."

"We won't disown you if you can't commit murder or arson all the time, Brian." Ivy sighed. "I mean,  _ I  _ don't, and we kept me." 

"That is a lie and you know it." Brian laughed. "I've watched you stab people over books before."

"Ok, correction, I don't commit crimes for  _ no reason. _ " Ivy shook her head and smiled at Brian. "Either way, you'll be fine. Promise." 

"Thank you, Ivy." He nodded. "I think you're right." 

"Always am." She shot back, grinning.

"Yes, yes." He laughed. "Alright. I'll talk to Jonny and the rest of the crew about it. I promise." 

"Take care of yourself, Brian. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." She reached back for one of her books, and opened it up. "Are you going to tell them what happened on the station?"

He hesitated. "I… Yeah. I think I might." He managed another smile. "Maybe it'll make me feel a bit better."

"Good luck." She hummed. "I'm always here to talk to if you need it."

"Thank you. I really appreciate it.".

"Of course. Now go get some sleep. There's a 89% chance you haven't been getting enough lately." Ivy raised her eyebrows.

Brian snorted. "Yeah, yeah. You as well. G'night Ivy." He stood up and nodded to her.

"Night Brian." She waved, before leaning back over her book.

He smiled, and walked back out of the library. 

He was suddenly aware of how tired he was, and though his mind was racing, once he'd made his way through the dark hallways and back to his own room, he had no trouble falling asleep again


End file.
